W.H. Auden, April 1936



please listen to my favourite poem :-

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling in the sky the message HE IS DEAD
Put crepe bows round the white necks of public doves
Let traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West
My working week and my Sunday rest
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song
I thought love would last forever, I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now, put out everyone
Pack up the moon and dismantle sun
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Self Absorbed

I do not know what makes me not write anymore.

"Writer's Block", hah! What a farce!

I am reading P.D. James these nights and there was a sentence last night that hit me in the face that I had to go back to that particular page to re-read the sentence a couple of times to let the realisation of it sink-in. "How unattractive it is, the self-absorption of the deeply unhappy". It is true to some extent I am sure. You become introvert but the daily tasks carry on as pre-arranged, the ordinary drill of day-to-day must-do's, but your mind is closed to yourself and your thoughts alone. Hey, but then again it is me. Don't even smoke, don't feel like it. When I leave from the office at the end of a work day and step into the car park, I always get that lonesome blast of wind envelope me, like as though I am going home to nothing and being with my friends off and on don't count.

I am literally wrapped up with a bow on top, in my own feelings, the good, the wonder, the expectation, the worry, the not-knowing.. nothing bad or negative of course, just me and my thoughts as always. It's kind of like the 5-stages of grief. Hah! But somehow inside, there lies an unsettled feeling of unhappiness. Must be by depressing days again. Time to self-diagnose.

Oh, I finally made it to the land of my dreams! India! Incredible India as the advert says. 2 states in September, Karnataka and Kerala, will write about it (with pics!) when I get my groove back.