Self Absorbed

I do not know what makes me not write anymore.

"Writer's Block", hah! What a farce!

I am reading P.D. James these nights and there was a sentence last night that hit me in the face that I had to go back to that particular page to re-read the sentence a couple of times to let the realisation of it sink-in. "How unattractive it is, the self-absorption of the deeply unhappy". It is true to some extent I am sure. You become introvert but the daily tasks carry on as pre-arranged, the ordinary drill of day-to-day must-do's, but your mind is closed to yourself and your thoughts alone. Hey, but then again it is me. Don't even smoke, don't feel like it. When I leave from the office at the end of a work day and step into the car park, I always get that lonesome blast of wind envelope me, like as though I am going home to nothing and being with my friends off and on don't count.

I am literally wrapped up with a bow on top, in my own feelings, the good, the wonder, the expectation, the worry, the not-knowing.. nothing bad or negative of course, just me and my thoughts as always. It's kind of like the 5-stages of grief. Hah! But somehow inside, there lies an unsettled feeling of unhappiness. Must be by depressing days again. Time to self-diagnose.

Oh, I finally made it to the land of my dreams! India! Incredible India as the advert says. 2 states in September, Karnataka and Kerala, will write about it (with pics!) when I get my groove back.