Quote For The Day

"And with the loss of strangeness, there was space for intimacy."

Robert James Waller

W.H. Auden, April 1936



please listen to my favourite poem :-

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling in the sky the message HE IS DEAD
Put crepe bows round the white necks of public doves
Let traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West
My working week and my Sunday rest
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song
I thought love would last forever, I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now, put out everyone
Pack up the moon and dismantle sun
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Self Absorbed

I do not know what makes me not write anymore.

"Writer's Block", hah! What a farce!

I am reading P.D. James these nights and there was a sentence last night that hit me in the face that I had to go back to that particular page to re-read the sentence a couple of times to let the realisation of it sink-in. "How unattractive it is, the self-absorption of the deeply unhappy". It is true to some extent I am sure. You become introvert but the daily tasks carry on as pre-arranged, the ordinary drill of day-to-day must-do's, but your mind is closed to yourself and your thoughts alone. Hey, but then again it is me. Don't even smoke, don't feel like it. When I leave from the office at the end of a work day and step into the car park, I always get that lonesome blast of wind envelope me, like as though I am going home to nothing and being with my friends off and on don't count.

I am literally wrapped up with a bow on top, in my own feelings, the good, the wonder, the expectation, the worry, the not-knowing.. nothing bad or negative of course, just me and my thoughts as always. It's kind of like the 5-stages of grief. Hah! But somehow inside, there lies an unsettled feeling of unhappiness. Must be by depressing days again. Time to self-diagnose.

Oh, I finally made it to the land of my dreams! India! Incredible India as the advert says. 2 states in September, Karnataka and Kerala, will write about it (with pics!) when I get my groove back.

Quote For The Day

"... my physical passions were very weak then, but my intellectual passions were strong, meaning that without asking anything in return, without wanting any pity, I only wanted to give but not to receive. Foolish, wrong, exaggerated, proud, rash - for in love one must not only give but also take."

- Vincent Van Gogh

Curious Epicurean - Chillie Paste

This is the recipe for your own home-cooked chillie paste. No more buying of those plastic tasting "cili kisar/giling' which they sell in supermarkets.

Ingredients :-
1kg dried chillies - soaked overnight in hot-water
9 medium sized red onions, peeled & chopped
2 whole cloves garlic
1 whole root fresh ginger, peeled & chopped
1 sauce plate full of belacan (dried shrimp paste)

Method :-
1. Blend in blender a handful at a time, the
chillie, chopped onions, ginger, a few cloves garlic and 2 pinches of belacan
2. Add a quarter cup water to each blend to smoothen the paste.
3. Store in glass jars in freezer/fridge.
4. When cooking any sambal dish, just add a few tablespoons to your sambal dish, with sugar and
salt to taste.

Day 3 - Twin Beach Resort, Pulau Sibu

On 31st March 1996, during breakfast I looked into the face of every man, looking for the culprit but did not see or maybe did not recognise the face in the morning glare. I went down to the jetty to see the majority of the guests off and when the boat came back to take the few remaining guests to mainland, I clambered aboard to enjoy the boat ride. Because I had driven myself, I needn't leave the island early like the rest of the guests to find public transport to the city. On mainland I strolled along the beach looking for seashells in the blazing hot sun before heading back to the island for lunch. After lunch and with heavy eyelids due to the heat and the warm, cool breeze coming from the sea, I lay on the sofa to sleep. I was awoken a number of times due to noise and people asking me for things but I somehow or rather always managed to lull off to sleep again and again. All the staff came to jetty to see the remaining of us off and I say my farewells.

Upon clambering from the boat, I start walking to wash my feet in the sea and from there I leave the wonderful island with hopeful thoughts of returning to it. I found solitude, obscurity, independence, friendships (simple and honest). The simpleness of the people, the place, the atmosphere made me so contented.

I have gone back to the island a number of times, alone and also with my 2 boys Aryan and Aidan and they love it too! Running on the rickety jetty, falling asleep on the speedboat (can you believe it!), the blanket of stars in the night sky.

Day 2 - Twin Beach Resort, Pulau Sibu

I woke to a bright, windy and sunny day as compared to the day before; bathe, changed and headed to breakfast. All I needed was coffee, coffee and more coffee. Those other guests started on their singing sessions early, my God!!. After breakfast I get up to get away from the din and walk to the jetty, didn't feel like getting in the sea to swim considering that I just had showered. At the jetty, the boatman invites me to join him to go into the nearest town on mainland called Tenggaroh to buy groceries for the barbecue which the resort is hosting for its guests in the night. I accept since I love boat rides and further, there was nothing for me to do that afternoon considering I don't like snorkelling (makes me I feel like I am dying, tried it once during a trip deep sea fishing) and wasn't keen on wandering into the other resorts or the kampung (village), maybe next visit. We promised to meet after lunch.



I leave the jetty for lunch with Kak Atiyah (who was personally employed by the resort manager to look after me during my stay since I was travelling alone) and I informed them that I was following them to get groceries later. At about 3pm, we all get up and head to the jetty, climbed on board the boat and left for Tanjung Leman. Upon reaching, we climbed into a van and drove to Tenggaroh (an immense oil palm plantation) to get groceries. If you are not used to the up and down roads that fork left and right and not know where to turn to get to where you are, you are doomed I tell you (after 3 trips following this first vacation, I can find my way around now). We get back to Tanjung Leman, we wait for another guest for an hour but they never arrive so we head to the bobbing boat with 4 Taiwanese who want to charter the boat to get to another resort on the island. At Twin Beach we unload the groceries then leave to drop the Taiwanese at their resort. The boat trip there was wonderful and I managed to see all the other small resorts dotted along the hillside of the island but none impressed me like Twin Beach.

The barbecue that night was abundant in seafood and vegetables which I had helped to prepare, me given any situation to cook or prepare to cook, is no problem; and sitting on picnic tables on the beach with bamboo lights burning all round us was a sight to behold. I leave them all after dinner and head to the jetty to smoke and read and while the night away. Too bad couldn't get whisky or vodka, only beer sold but that's not my drink. At 3am I get up to head back to my chalet to sleep, leaving behind the last night of my stay away from the moonlight, the water and sea breeze that blows.

About 5 minutes into lying down in my chalet, I hear someone call at my window. I asked who it was but the person never answered and I somehow was not afraid so I got up, switched on the lights and opened the front door, asking the person to come to the front of the chalet but still the person persisted to be at the window. So I closed the door and walked to the window and horror! it was a stranger asking whether he could come in. I asked him what for and he replied that I should know what for. This remark made my blood boil and I told him to go back to where he came from and shut the mosquito screen and curtain, turned off the lights and lay down to sleep again. But my eyes remained wide open and found myself suddenly afraid. I kept looking out for shadows that may pass up the stairs to my chalet or climb up to the side window, so after a while of scaring myself silly, I switched on the lights and read until my eyes closed upon seeing daylight creep into my chalet.

Curious Epicurean - Prawn Curry

Try this simple dish please.

Ingredients :-
3 medium sized red onions
4 cloves garlic
thumbsize ginger
2 onions and 2 tomatoes, quartered
3 sprigs curry leaves
a pinch each of fennel, mustard & cummin seeds
3 Tablespoons chicken curry powder
1 teaspoon turmeric powder
2 cups water (or 1 1/2 cups for thicker sauce)
600g medium sized prawns, body only shelled

Method :-
1. Grind the first 3 ingredients.
2. Heat 5 Tablespoons of cooking oil and fry til fragrant (but not burnt!) the ground ingredients,
curry leaves and seeds.
3. Add the curry & turmeric powders and fry to combine, til fragrant.
4. Drop in the quartered onions, tomatoes and water.
5. Allow to boil for 4 minutes to ensure that curry powder is cooked through and thickened.
6. Add prawns and allow to simmer for 2 minutes.
7. Off flame, the remaining heat will cook prawns through which will result in a perfect texture
for prawns.

Eat with plain white rice please.

Day 1 - Twin Beach Resort, Pulau Sibu

I had driven a long way on 29th March 1996 up to the point that I thought I was heading on the wrong track to reach Tanjung Leman in Johor. The road to the coast is snaked by long aimless looking roads that wind uphill and downhill through oil palm plantations and forests of monkeys. One driving for the first time would definitely think that one was heading the wrong way, for no way would one assume that an idyllic island resort lay off the coast at the end of those endless roads.

Finally, a sign showed that Tanjung Leman had been reached, the road that leads into it is terrible unless one drives a four-wheel drive, upon parking my car under a tree on the open space, I obtain a boat to get me to one of the resorts on the distant island. I board the boat alone, as it seems I am late by 2 hours and all other guests have gone on ahead of me; the sky looks threatening. The boatman offers to carry my knapsack but I decline as it was so light but contained everything I needed for the 3 days and 2 nights of my stay on the island. The sea is choppy and the ride awfully bumpy and it rains. I let my hair down and let it be blown by the wind and rain. By the time we reach the resort, I am truly wet.

My chalet looks dinghy and not at all comfortable. I tried to switch on the light for the bathroom and realised that the generator for the electricity supply is only on from 7pm to 7am. I bathe, change and head back to the reception for my late lunch while reading facing the wide beach, sea and another distant island, Pulau Tinggi. I then go for a walk to the jetty and to a path that leads to other resorts. The resort staff informs me that if I want to swim, I am not to swim too far out from shore as it is open sea and there is a drop in the sea-bed about 30feet from shore. The beach is a lovely stretch of soft white sand with emerald waters accompanied by bunches of soft foamy waves breaking up on the sandy beach.

I am truly in love with the jetty as I was to find at the end of my stay. It is serene, quiet and peaceful compared to the other side of the resort where the waves are big and noisy due to its opening to the South China Sea. The jetty is the arrival point where the water is calm and clear with a hue of deep green rather than the blue of the open sea. I spent the evening smoking, reading and just staring into the water observing the jumping fish, watching the sun set, thinking of absolutely nothing but then thinking as well.

After dinner, the guests head towards the reception, to my horror, for karaoke! We smoke, talk some more then they get up to leave and I head again to the jetty. It was a windy night and cold, and with the mosquitoes making a meal of me, I head back totmy chalet to sleep for the first night at 1.30am.

Thought For The Day

"We learn to restrain ourselves as we get older. We keep apart when we have quarrelled, express ourselves in well bred phrases and in this way preserve a dignified alienation, showing much firmness on one side and swallowing much grief on the other."

- George Eliot

Quote For The Day

"It is not the evil doers who are evil in this world, but those who watch and let it happen"

-Albert Einstein

Another Weekend

It hit me again that the weekend is here. The choice of weekend would be to drink oneself high and forget all blissfully (alas! for a night's sleep only), watch the World Cup match with germany and England going for it against each other (my bet is with Germany, as always), lie on a nearest sandy beach (if it does not rain, as the rains have begun again every afternoon).

But then, I can't think only of myself, one has children. Their needs and wants seem to come first before ours are ever executed, that is a good thing actually, as once you have them all settled, satisfied and sated it's the parents' turn.

My weekends, when the children are with me, are usually just like that.

I wake early Saturday, send them for their Saturday sports co-curricullum in school (which occupies them til the afternoon). I proceed to have breakfast with my girlfriend (who is also an early riser, surprising for a single woman because if it were me, I would not wake til past 12pm!), a long breakfast mind you. We laugh out loud, talk family, friends, men (sigh....). We then go our separate ways. I head home maybe just in time to cook lunch or watch a little tv. When the kids are back, its seeing to them and if possible a little nap in the late afternoon because my night is going to be late with another girlfriend (or maybe the same one), doing the usual over too loud music with a bit of a tipple thrown down our throats.

Sunday, one can't afford to wake late if the kids are bugging you that they want their breakfast. Another day starts catering to them (yet again!), maybe a trip to the gaming shop for a couple of hours (as they are not allowed pc games at home, neither will there ever be a Sony PlayStation at home no matter how much the kids beg). While they do this, I go grocery shopping alone. Alone is always the best bet, your own pace and time and one can linger as long as needed to read over a food label on whether the item is made in China or is genetically modified or has some undesireable content that we would not want ingested. Tv watching is a must if its a slow Sunday. Once kids settled, maybe dinner for myself with another girlfriend and copius amounts of girl-talk.

I do not feel guilty saying that I enjoy my time alone away from the kids. I am not rushing around seeing to them but to leisurely see to me.

Xiao Hei

Please excuse my long absence, self-diagnosed myself with depression which was 'kind of' cured by downing copius amounts of margarita's (frozen, of course! gives a good dosage of brain freeze without the electrocution) and having d.

Anyway, this is my other tail, Xiao Hei. Xiao Hei means 'little black' in mandarin. He is a daschund and is now 6 months old. My friend in Malacca gave him to us as her daschund had a litter of 6, and Xiao Hei is the best of the lot as he is wholly black, not a brown in sight as regular daschunds go.

I was a bit skeptical bringing him home as I knew my mother would go ballistic with us having another pet around the house as she loathes pets. And right I was because when she saw Xiao Hei, she told me take it back to my friend. Being the stubborn me, I just let it wait out to give her time to adjust; she has to you know, as we got December in December 2009 and what now with Xiao Hei which came home in March 2010. But now, lo behold, she is telling me to get rid of December and keep Xiao Hei. She likes him because he is extremely intelligent (I only had to train him once as to where to pee), a good guard dog, fearless, shows you his love with his doe-eyed looks. Also, my mother is now cooking their food for them!! I myself cannot imagine this turn in my mother that I find it extremely hilarious, but good because I am left out of the chore of cooking their food.

Anyway, the reason I am eager to write is because Xiao Hei was knocked down by a vehicle 2 days ago.

He ran out of the gate as he usually does with December in tow, but this time, only December returned to the house. So, my son Aidan, went looking for him and can you imagine, I actually told Aidan not to go hunting for Xiao Hei because he will always come back. Aidan came home crying to me in the kitchen that I'd better come quick because Xiao Hei was bleeding by the side of the road. I stopped whatever I was cooking, grabbed an old towel and followed Aidan to the site. It was an inner road near our house and there he was lying on his side, back legs and tail bloody and pitifully doe-eyed.

I wrapped Xiao Hei in the towel and gingerly tried to pick him up because he whined whenever I tried to touch him. Carried him home and knowing that most vets close early, I put him in my Ranger and hunted for a vet at the nearest commercial area. When I got to one that was near closing, the vet carried him from the Ranger and proceeded to the examination room to thoroughly checked Xiao Hei.

This was all 2 days ago. Yesterday he went in for an x-ray examination as the vet was waiting to see of Xiao Hei would be able to pee and poop, because if he can't, it means that his internal organs have ruptured. What was found was that Xiao Hei's inner pelvic bone is fractured and recovery would be 6 weeks but he would be able to stand and walk a bit in 3 days time. So until then, he'd be lying on his side even to pee and poop.

He is coming home today, as he has been in the clinic on drip and medication since the accident.

Taiping

Sorry for the long break in posting. It was the school holidays for my 9 year-old and 12 year-old sons from the 15th of March til 19th of March. I intended to take them for holidays now that I am no longer self-employed but am employed since the 1st of January this year.

Since their hols was only for 1 week,Taiping in Perak was the best bet as they have a lovely zoo (much better than our National Zoo) and they also had a night safari tour of the zoo. So, we packed off on Wednesday morning with a slow drive to Taiping (I never go more that 110km/h), found my way to the Lake Gardens where the hotel we were going to stay in (Flemington Hotel) and the zoo is located.

The drive through the lake gardens was wondrous as it covers a huge area and there are numerous inns/hotels and restaurants within the lake gardens. It has sprawling trees, wide open fields, lakes for people to exercise, picnic or just walk as it is shady and green, green, green. I love places like this where it cools your eyes rather than the harsh heat and glare of the city. Our hotel was homey with wide windows looking out into a lake and rolling hills.

After checking-in we took a walk to the zoo (yes, the hotel is within walking distance of the zoo, about 5oom), what with all the tress shading our way and path that leads right to zoo entrance it was an enjoyable walk (without me complaining about the heat). We spent 2 hours at the zoo and then walked back to the hotel (by this time I was already complaining about the heat), I was dying to have my bath underneath the rainforest shower head of the hotel's bathroom.

The kids played ball in the wide open field in front of the hotel and from our window, I could keep an eye on them. I went up to the rooftop where the bar was located and ordered myself a vodka and downed it in the warm air, then went back to the room to lie on the cool bed for some quiet before the kids came back. The same night we went for the night safari at the zoo, this showcased all the animals that were awake during the night, lovely playful tigers and serious black panthers.

Broken

I have never felt pain like this before. Or have I experienced it some time ago but have forgotten what it feels like? Tha pain when you know or finally realise that the one whom you love and whom you have been patiently waiting for with hope has someone else. What's worse is that I had actually heard her voice over the phone early this morning, whispering i the background.

I felt, still can feel whenever I recall the telephone conversation, my whole body creeping up on my person, (or is it cringing?) at the self realisation that I have been a class act one Fool. I want to cry but I cannot, not here.

But then again, looking back over the past months, I do not blame him. It was inevitable I suppose that he will find someone to love because when one is young the choicest one has is limitless because one not married. By the time one has decided that one has had enough and decides to marry, only then one realises all the past loves and thinks back on them with fond remembrances. And I did tell him all these, being part of my experiences (so, how come is it that I cannot handle it or accept it?)

Thought For The Day

I got this from a feng shui book sometime back :-

" Don't become angry if someone irritates you,
Don't be caught in their trap.
You should never be angry because anger affects your well-being.
And if anger takes over, who can take your place? "

My Tail

Introducing my tail. She is a 5 year old Shih-Tzu.
Having a pet does make a difference in your life,
and the joy in your heart when you see children around her is undescribable. Even a die-hard animal hater would melt and accomodate to her.

She is cared for with home-cooked food especially for her type of breed, washed and toilet as how you would a baby, kept cool with air-conditioning as she has a lot a fur and we are growing her fur long like Shih-Tzu show/competition dogs.

Recipe 1 - Beef & Potatoes
Ingredients : 500g minced beef,
2 potatoes, cubed
Method : In large pan, cook both ingredients till potatoes are soft and beef is thoroughly cooked.
Storage : When cool, store in a covered contained in fridge.
Expiry : Lasts for 4 days if your pet eats twice a day.
Serving : Microwave selected portion according to pets' intake.